“I believe in doing random acts of satire!”
—ClapSo—
By Pressmin Spurious
Intergalactic Times staff reporter
The global warming t-shirted, patchouli smelling, hemp jewelery wearing cult that refers to itself as “Netroots Nation” has had their little annual drunken sex orgy in President George W. Bush’s home state of Texas. I have to wonder where all the drug sniffing dogs in Texas were during this event. It’s clear to this reporter that “netroots” is a code word for the heathen devil weed marijuana! I have little doubt that everyone who attended this event is on the pot!
I’m sure the people of the great state of Texas are happy to hear the clip clop sound of Birkenstock sandals that accompanies the exit of those commies out of their state! That clip clop sound has a real harmony with the flip flop sound made by the “netroots” endorsed vote spoiler Obama.
There was one high point at that event. Honorary Republican Nancy Pelosi stopped by to bless the masses. Some radical group called code pinko tried to shout down the stalwart defender of the greatest president this country has ever had, George W. Bush. “No Impeachment Naners” then went and ruined the moment by dragging Al Gore onto the stage.
My dear readers may remember Al Gore as the 2000 Democrat candidate that tried to vote spoil the greatest president this country has ever had, George W. Bush! Gore’s amateurish campaign failed to garner enough votes to cause Gore to carry his home state! Thank heavens for that. If Gore had won, this country would have lost the brilliant eight years of leadership we have received from the greatest president this country has ever had, George W. Bush!
And we’ll have fun, fun, fun till Gore takes the Hummer away!
This foreign made hybrid automobile driving Gore person has made a bundle lately selling books and producing flag burning, Dixie Chicks concerts that claim to be fixing the mythical “problem” called global warming. It is clear to me that Gore & Company may in future have the unmitigated gall to try to take my Hummer away! I warn you Gore, I am a lifetime member of the NRA! Don’t come knocking at the door of my Suburban McMansion! Saint Charlton Heston and Smith and Wesson defend my home! I hold the holy relic of Soylent green made from Saint Heston’s body in one hand, and a large clip, fully automatic in the other! Don’t come around here Gore!
YOU WILL TAKE MY HUMMER AWAY WHEN YOU PRY MY COLD DEAD FINGERS FROM THE STEERING WHEEL!
That goes double for this rag tag group of petition wielding “road trippers” who have inexplicably managed to get Ralph Nader on the ballots of FIFTEEN STATES SO FAR! I have to hand it to them. They are facing HUGE obstacles put in place by the two real parties, and yet still have met with a remarkable level of success. I must tip my press passed Fedora at these people. If this keeps up, Nader will be on 45 state ballots come the November election.
I realize that the Republicans are in full crisis mode due to the “timetable” flip flops of Nūrī Kāmil al-Mālikī. However I must ask chairman Boehner of the House Unrepublican Activities Committee to convene a special session in regards to all this OTHER unrepublican activity! If something isn’t done soon, THIS COULD BE THE YEAR THAT A CANDIDATE FROM OUTSIDE THE TWO PARTY SYSTEM GETS ELECTED PRESIDENT!
1 Comment
July 21, 2008 at 11:01 am
beware the hippie, love fest, goodies, their dumpster dived so their is no regulation on their safty for our consumption. It is hippie bio warfare invite people over and give em the 2 day poopies. I warned you. The other cookies and brownies were not bad or spageti but my perception seemed to have been altered.