“I believe in doing random acts of satire!”
—ClapSo—
By Pressmin Spurious
Intergalactic Times staff reporter
There are those who have the unmitigated gall to propose that these United States should be diluted with the political blood of the commies from our south and the pinkos from our north. This patriot, my dear readers, begs to differ! This so called “North American Union” is being sold as the next step in “political and economic evolution”, nonsense!
Walmart already gets all the low wage labor it needs from Mexico, and Exxon, BP, etc. already get all the oil they can pump from Canada. Why would we “join” with these lesser countries? I know that The Greatest President we have ever had, George W. Bush, would not support such a plan. But I wouldn’t put it past those Marxist/Leninist sleepers cells embedded in the Congress.
That vote thief Obama has been on a tour of Europe, could he be studying how to kill our beloved greenback, and replace it with a “Euro” type currency? One cleaver artist named Daniel Carr has even minted prototype coins called the “Amero” which I find, by the way, to be very nicely designed. But the symbolism they represent is certainly not to my political taste!
Should these lesser countries wish to join us, they should apply to become states in these United States of America! Why should those lesser countries be made to feel that they are in any way equal to the greatest country on the planet? Don’t they realize we are the country that invented NASCAR and Chia Pets?
It just gets my goat when I hear that there is this crazy plan to sap us of our precious bodily fluids! I’m sure if The Greatest President in this country’s history, George W. Bush, had another couple of years in office, we would be invading both Mexico and Canada, the same way we have invaded the middle east!
I realize the republicans are busy trying to figure out some way to get Saint John McCain some press, but I must ask chairman Boehner of the House Unrepublican Activities Committee to convene a special session in regards to all this unrepublican activity! If something isn’t done soon, THIS COULD BE THE YEAR THAT A CANDIDATE FROM OUTSIDE THE TWO PARTY SYSTEM GETS ELECTED PRESIDENT!
